I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

“Mom, just wait till you hear what I                                                                        learned on the bus today. You are gonna                                                                 LOVE it! Ready? Ok. Now, watch and listen…

‘Milk, milk, lemonade,

around the corner fudge is made.’

Isn’t that totally hilarious? I can’t wait to show all my friends at school.”    Jay-8

With the start of the new school year, I thought it would be fitting to post a new installment of I Heard It On The Bus. In case you haven’t heard, 75% of everything you learn in school originates on the bus. Now, before you go breathing a sigh of relief because your child doesn’t board that big yellow bus, let me fill you in on a little secret…it doesn’t really matter, because the kids that ride the bus…well, they love to share everything. How do I know this is true, you ask? I heard it on the bus, of course.

1.  “Mom, did you know that if you lick the back of the bus seat it tastes like Kentucky Fried Chicken? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

2.  “Mom, did you know that if you fart into a juice box, the juices turn into soda? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

3.  “Mom, did you know that the crazy cat lady from down the street scrapes dead animals off the road, cooks them up and eats them? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

4.  “Mom, did you know that if you bury a quarter from the state of Minnesota in your backyard, at exactly 11:59 pm during a thunderstorm, you’ll grow a real live money tree? But, here’s the problem…you can’t spend the money because it’s illegal and the police will throw you in juvie if you try. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

5.  “Mom, did you know that if a kid drinks coffee it will stunt his growth and he’ll grow an early mustache? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

6.  “Mom, did you know that most bus drivers hate kids? That’s why they purposely put the heat up to 95 and won’t let you put the windows down. They want kids to feel sick and throw-up on themselves, especially on picture day. That’s why the seat in the third row always smells like puke. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

7.  “Mom, did you know the best way to get out of going to school is to rub your whole body with poison ivy? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

8.  “Mom, did you know that the reason the food at school tastes so gross is because the cafeteria ladies barf and then form it into whatever they are suppose to serve for the day? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

9.  “Mom, did you know that most people would rather clean up pee than throw-up? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

10. “Mom, did you know that 27% of the pollution on earth comes from cow poop? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

If you’ve missed the first installment of  I Heard It On The Bus, please do yourself a favor and stay in the know.