“Mom, did you know that the best way to get an A on a math test is to sleep
with the book under your pillow? The information seeps into your brain overnight. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Will-10
This is an exciting revelation, but before you go ordering the complete second season of Modern Family and slip it under your pillow with the intention of getting caught up while you sleep, I question the authenticity of this theory. Last night, as an experiment, I tried sleeping on my grocery list. Not only did I forget the list at home, but I forgot half of the items I needed at the store. However, in defense of this theory, I was a bit distracted by the new and improved Calgon display in aisle 6. Did you know that the new and improved Calgon really does take you away? A straight shot to Tahiti, non-stop in 5 minutes flat. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.
1. “Mom, did you know that if you want to avoid getting eaten by a school of piranha, you should always drink a ton of Mountain Dew before you go swimming? It’s a well-known fact that piranhas hate the taste of lemon. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
2. “Mom, did you know that if you want to avoid a great white shark attack, you should always drink a quart of chocolate milk before swimming? Great whites are lactose intolerant. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
3. “Mom, did you know that the reason some corn on the cob is yellow and some is white depends on where the field mice pee? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
4. “Mom, did you know that you should never hold in a fart? It increases the likelihood that you’ll go bald when your older. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
5. “Mom, did you know that the worst thing you can buy a kid for their birthday is school supplies? Well, that and band aids. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
6. “Mom, did you know that if you throw up a little in your mouth when you burp, it’s considered good luck? Sort of like a four-leaf clover. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
7. “Mom, did you know that you should always strain the pulp out of your orange juice? Pulp’s not really part of the orange, it’s the hang nails of the guys that squeeze the fruit. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
8. “Mom, did you know that kids who eat their boogers are more likely to get strep throat than kids who don’t? It has something to do with the boogers sticking to your tonsils. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
9. “Mom, did you know why they don’t put seat belts on school buses? It’s so bus drivers can slam on the breaks and watch the kids bump their heads on the seat in front of them. They watch it in their rear view mirror and laugh because they hate kids. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
10. “Mom, did you know that the best way to deal with a bully is to say, ‘Listen up, Jackass! The next time you bug me, I’m going to tell everyone at school how bad your farts stink.’ It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
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Actually I’m on board with number 9. Guess that’s why I’ve never been asked to drive a school bus.
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I’m not sure you can fault the bus driver. I’ve often felt the urge myself while carpooling 7 screaming children.
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I have to start travelling on school buses. I didn’t know these things. But I agree about the fart thing. Not only will you go bald, but you will explode. Most likely at the same moment.
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Come to think of it…I bet that’s what sparks spontaneous combustion.
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Sleeping with a book under your pillow does NOT actually work. It’s too passive. What is far more effective is rubbing your notes on your head before the test. It’s how I got an “A” in Stats.
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Makes perfect sense to me. Going forward, on Friday mornings, I’ll just rub my kid’s spelling lists on their foreheads as they walk out the door.
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I am learning so much. I am also reevaluating my diet now. I would willingly volunteer the sleep on something osmosis method of learning if it means I get to sleep a lot.
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Lisa, I’m happy to keep you informed. Keep me posted on how the sleep osmosis method is working for you and don’t forget to buy a strainer. 😉
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I always love the I Heard It on The Bus posts…
Looks like we won’t be getting OJ with pulp anymore either… hahaha…
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Thanks, JWo! Sadly, you’ll never look at orange juice the same way…sorry.
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I’m still trying to figure out how to get field mice to drink chocolate milk AND Mountain Dew so we can have corn that also repels sharks and piranha.
Though I’m living proof that #4 ain’t true. I’ve laid down clouds that would have me in violation of the Geneva convention for gas warfare, and the front half of my head is completely hairless. Or maybe it was just all the bumps from the bus driver braking hard – I thought that guy had died, but obviously he just moved to your district!
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John, if you can figure that one out, I’ll nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize.
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You do know that the pillow thing is true, right? It got me through every science and math class in high school and college, and it’s the approach I’ve currently taken to studying for the GMAT.
Also- I just wanted to clarify what type of bus you’re talking about. While I’m sure #10 is absolutely the case on the school bus, I’m pretty sure they’ve just started shooting bully’s on SEPTA buses.
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That’s how I studied for my SAT’s. 😉
Stay away from the SEPTA buses. Maybe you can catch a ride on a school bus. Might help you with those GMAT’s.
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Did you tell him that even if the sharks are lactose intolerant that won’t keep them from eating you? They’ll just get really bad tummy aches afterward. Heard that in the school cafeteria. Much more reliable than the bus.
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I’ve also heard that the cafeteria ladies are wicked. Apparently, they scream and shout at all the kids. I can’t imagine why? 😉
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#9 sounds true.
#4 Wow,bold people will never look the same to me.
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Welcome, Reading About the World! Thanks so much for popping in and for taking the time to comment. Everybody seems to agree with you about #9, but #4 is up for debate. 😉
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I knew there was a reason I hated orange juice.
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Personally, I have always been skeeved out by pulp in orange juice and now I know why. Who wants hangnails stuck between their teeth. 😉
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So many laugh out loud ones!! Even before starting, I laughed out loud at your experiment, leaving the list behind. (No doubt, it was safe and sound under your pillow.)
The visual with the kids after the driver slams on breaks is funny. Too dang funny, in fact. (So wrong that I laughed hard, too,)
The sharks being lactose intolerant, the worst birthday gifts (amended with ‘band aids’), so many in this list, Nancy. Great, as usual.
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Thanks, Lenore! I can always count on you for kind words. Too bad you don’t live next door, you’d do wonders for my ego. Plus, you’d get to experience “the bus” firsthand. 🙂
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I knew there must be a reason I still have such great hair. BTW where are kids swimming these days?!?!
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They’re swimming at out local public pool. You’d think they’d be more concerned about floating turds than piranha and great whites.
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Note to self: stay away from yellow corn and orange juice with pulp.
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Think of all the money you’ll save on dental floss. 😉
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If you eat vegemite mosquitoes won’t bite you.
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Ok. What is vegemite? I’ve been curious about this since the 80’s when Men at Work sang about a vegemite sandwich. Do tell!
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I’m surprised those school buses don’t have seat belts yet. Some do.
I did NOT go bald from holding in my farts! I went bald for the same reason everyone else went bald. Side effects from alien experimentation.
As a boy I would not have minded school supplies as much as clothes for my birthday.
Getting clothes sucked. Except maybe for that dandy kid that wore a tie in sixth grade.
I heard on the bus that if you wear a tie in middle school you’ll grow up to have short fingers and toes.
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MC, that was a brilliant comment. I’m especially fond of the alien experimentation. I’m disappointed that I didn’t think of it first. 😉
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I love the reference to Modern Family in light of the fact I’m waiting for the video to load right this very moment. After I watch Wednesday’s episode, I will be able to say that I’m caught up on something. Who cares if it’s just a TV show? That’s a start!
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Nancy…I have a pretty strict “no laughing before 8 AM” rule. You made me break my own rule. DANG YOU!! Great posts….really enjoying the “school bus”.
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Thanks, Rich! That’s one hell of a compliment. I hope you didn’t spill your coffee. 😉
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Better a TV show than laundry. I find laundry unfulfilling and uninspiring. I’d rather watch Modern Family too.
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Ha..Ha.. Those are priceless!
I always heard sleeping with classical music playing makes you smarter. It’s true. I read it in some scientific magazine after they did a study on it. Guess what? IT DIDN’T WORK FOR CRAP WITH ME! I find Motown feeds my brain. 🙂
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Thanks so much, Pissy. Maybe the schools should consider playing classical music on the bus. 😉
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I love that your kids tell you so much about the bus. My nine-year-old may be running a crime organization out of the bus. Something about the look on her face when I ask her about the bus…
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Does she have any new friends named Tony, Frankie or Vinnie? Is she suddenly interested in watching reruns of the Sopranos?
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Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part IX | Young American Wisdom
Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part X | Young American Wisdom
Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI | Young American Wisdom
Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: XII | Young American Wisdom
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