“Mom, did you know that on every bus there’s a book hidden beneath the seat
in the 10th row, on the left-hand side? It’s a secret book filled with all the world’s bad words. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Will-10
I knew it! Where else would today’s kids possibly be picking up bad words? Certainly not from us. That damn bus strikes again. Let’s find out what the hell else they’ve learned this week, shall we?
1. “Mom, did you know that the best way to freak out your friends is to smear chocolate pudding inside their lunch boxes when they’re not looking? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
2. “Mom, did you know that some kid from South America climbed Mt. Everest in 6 hours and 15 minutes, wearing only a hoodie sweatshirt and flip-flops? They say he left a trail of cheese curls behind so he could find his way back down. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
3. “Mom, did you know that the boys bathroom next to the school cafeteria is haunted? A bunch of years ago some kid pooped in the urinal. They say the karma in there got screwed up and now weird stuff happens. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
4. “Mom, did you know that the only good thing about having assigned seats on the bus is that you can always remember where you stuck your gum in the morning? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
5. “Mom, did you know that you should never eat the meatloaf at school? It’s made from the gunk scrapped out from under the cafeteria ladies’ finger nails. They do it because they secretly hate kids. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
6. “Mom, did you know that you can always tell how tall a kid is going to get by the sound of his farts? Tall kids always have the loudest farts, short kids have the smelliest. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
7. “Mom, did you know that you should never lick a water fountain? If you do, you’ll end up dead in 3 days. The only way to save yourself is to quickly eat a worm.” It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
8. “Mom, did you know that the best way to study for Friday’s spelling test is to color the inside of your belly button with an orange marker? They say it helps with memory. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
9. “Mom, did you know that some colleges give scholarships to kids who can burp their ABC’s, especially if English isn’t their first language. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
10. “Mom, did you know that in some foreign countries’ it’s a tradition to laminate your boogers and send them as Christmas cards? Its true…I heard it on the bus.”
I’ve fallen way behind on comments and visits again. Please know, I’ll be catching up next week and popping over to say hello. Happy Friday, everyone!
I Heard It On The Bus: Part II
I Heard It On The Bus: Part III
Young American Wisdom 
I am completely speechless. I can, however, testify that short people can produce really loud farts.
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Maybe those short people are about to have a growth spurt.
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I think I have that same secret book stashed underneath my car seat. Very handy when I get into ‘aggressive driver’ mode.
I can attest to the fact that tall people have loud farts. My husband is 6’2″ and uh…well…yeah. Let’s hope he never read this.
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I’d like to borrow that book the next time I’m stuck in traffic.
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Sadly, my kids chose to keep all valuable information like this from me. Could you start an ongoing series where you highlight the kids who are passing on this info? I’m in awe of them. They have bright futures ahead of them in either marketing or politics.
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Your kids must be excellent at keeping secrets. 😉
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I can sort of believe the first one, about the bad words. Several of our buses had them written down. Just not in a book – more like all over the seats and backs!
And why would you need a trail to get back down Everest? Just fall, and roll until you stop. Voila!
As to the “bad karma” in the men’s room, I’ll vouch that MOST men’s rooms have some funky things going on in there! 😀
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That’s exactly how I would get down Mt. Everest. Why waste excess energy. 😉
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tell Will i put that book there. continue…
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Do you still own a copy? I’d like to take a look.
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Aw man! I wish you posted this earlier… someone dared me to lick the water fountain today, and I did it. I guess I better go eat a worm.
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Swallow it whole and then chug a glass of apple juice. No, wait! Don’t drink the apple juice…they say it has arsenic in it. I just heard it on the news. Not the bus, the news!
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Re: #8 I wonder what happens if you have an “outie” belly button. Does the orange marker still work its magic?
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Outies are a bit tricky, but do the best you can. Don’t worry about coloring outside the lines.
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If they heard it on the bus, then the person they heard it from obviously heard it from someone else. I want to know WHERE THAT person heard it from? And who was the devious goober who made it all up? Someone’s brother or sister no less I bet!
I may never eat meatloaf again! That was just gross!
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Super gross! Have you ever seen a cafeteria ladies’ finger nails? Horrifying!
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Poop screws up karma? Who knew? And I’m curious as to why it must be an orange marker to color the belly button. Speaking of belly buttons, what if you have an “outie”?
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If you have an outie you’ll just have to do the best you can. Look for a wide tipped marker and don’t worry about coloring in the lines.
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That’s so “old skool” (intentional word play). Nowadays, it’s “saw it on the internet.” I’m happy kids still enjoy some of our pastimes.
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You’ll be happy to know they’re still learning bad words and singing dirty songs on the big yellow bus. It’s a rite of passage, isn’t it?
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I think I’d like to take the bus with Will some day. 🙂
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Sadly, they don’t allow grown ups. I’ve tried. 😦
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Does anyone who sits in the 10th row have the ability to confirm or deny?
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It’s all very hush-hush. I’m thinking about sticking a hidden camera on Will when he’s not looking.
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Do you have any readers from a foreign country? I would like to request a Christmas card from them. It just better be laminated.
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It’s best if they’re laminated. Who wants an envelope filled with dried out boogers?
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I’m sure I heard #2 on the news recently. I knew those cafeteria ladies were not to be trusted. We had a cafeteria lady at high school called Mrs. Tatnell & she only worked their so she had access to kids to be mean to.
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Oops… I used the wrong their/there
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Quite a feat, considering the kid was wearing flip-flops. Everest must have been unseasonably warm that day.
I’ve heard rumors about Mrs. Tantell. There’s nasty things written about her in the secret bus book.
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It’s not always easy to keep up with everyone’s recent posts. I’d be lost without my RSS Reader
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I have yet to figure out to use RSS feed. Ugh! I’m terribly technologically challenged.
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HA!
I thought I just saw the shadow of a urinal the other night…
I went to go find some pudding and it was just floating in my kitchen…
then it vanished quicker than you can say ‘ Drano’…
🙂
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Was there a poop in that urinal?
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Unbelievable…I loved these! What little characters these bus-riders must be. 🙂
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Welcome, Antigone! There’s a whole lot of nonsense going on over here, but I’m doing my best to keep laughing.
Thanks so much for reading!
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