“Mom, I’m totally coming shopping with you! I’ll help you find something perfect. Trust
me, I know what looks good. We’re going to have so much fun!” Anna-12
***
“Ok, Anna. Let’s hear it. What do you think about this one?”
“Nah. I don’t like the color on you. Try something else.”
“How about this?”
“No way! Never in a million years. You look ridiculous!”
“Ok. What about this?”
“It’s hideous. Absolutely horrible. Get it off now. Ick!”
“This one?”
“God, no! It makes you look old and that color makes me nauseous. Yuck! I think I just threw up.”
“Alright. How’s this?”
“What? Are you crazy? You look like you’re trying too hard. Get it off immediately. Hurry up and get back into the dressing room before someone sees you. Run!”
“This one’s cute, right?”
“It’s ok, I guess. But it sorta makes your nose look big. What else do you have in there?”
“How about this?”
“Crappity, crap, crap, crap! It’s too pilgrimish and it doesn’t match your hair. Can’t you see how it draws attention to your roots?”
“This one’s good, I think?”
“Are you kidding me? You look like a monkey wrapped in a table cloth.”
“This?”
“No. No. No. Please, no! You look like a sausage…a rancid, overstuffed sausage.”
“What about this one?”
“Never! It hurts my eyes and makes me wish I was blind. Try something else.”
“Ok. I think this is the one.”
“Mom, that’s so bad and not a little bad…really, really bad. Bad like diarrhea in the middle of a really good movie.”
“Really?”
“Yes, trust me. So, what do you say we wrap this up? We can look for some stuff for me after lunch. This is so much fun! Thanks for inviting me, Mom!”
Young American Wisdom 
I’m taking Abby shopping tomorrow. Maybe I should reconsider : )
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I hope you remembered to bring your thick skin with you. 😉
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She is creative with analogies. Diarrhea during a good movie is pretty bad so I hope you didn’t get that one. For the record, I like it when it looks like you are trying to hard (wink, wink). Go back and buy that outfit.
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I left empty handed. Who wants to look like an overstuffed rancid sausage. Certainly not me. 😉
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lol I used to be like this when I was younger (sometimes, I still am at my 23 years old, when my mom asks me and my sister to help her to find some new clothes…). But, since we never started looking for somehing for me till we were done with her wardrobe, whenever I got tired, I always said something like “you look stunning, you definitely have to buy that!”.
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Welcome, Charlotte! Thanks for sharing your story. Now I’m going to have my antenna up when she tells me I look stunning. 😉
Thanks so much for reading!
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At least she is honest. 🙂
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Honest to a fault. 😉
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SO, what I am getting from this is, Anna has figured out that just getting you in proximity of a mall means new clothes for her? And (tricky little thing) if she discourages you from buying anything, there will be more money for her new wardrobe?
She will make an excellent wife.
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Spectra, I’m thinking maybe you should be my therapist.
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Thanks for the warning. I will never do this once my daughter’s 12.
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Also, try to avoid bringing her into the dressing room with you…”Mom, just in case you hadn’t noticed, your butt jiggles a bit when you walk. I thought you should know.”
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Precisely why I never, ever, ever take my niece shopping.
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I could tell you were a smart woman.
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I think you can trust her! She’s honest.
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She’s so honest I may never going shopping again. 😉
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The monkey wrapped in a tablecloth was pretty good, but I seriously hope you got her back. Did you tell her she looked like she was wearing a Muppet when she was trying stuff on?
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For the record, I am not a hairy person. I’m not sure where the comparison to a monkey came from…I even shaved that day. 😉
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a rancid overstuffed sausage…
she will write wildly popular fiction some day…
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…or will be completely alone because she’s insulted the shit out of everyone around her. 😉
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i was trying to look at the positive side…if she comes home wearing all black with Alice Cooper eye makeup ur in deep trouble…
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That’s when we send her to boarding school. 😉
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Personally I think Rancid Pilgrimish Sausage Monkey Tablecloth is totally hip 🙂
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…unless it too tight! Then it’s just “bad like diarrhea in the middle of a really good movie.”
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Is this the next Stacy London?
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I wonder if Stacy London referred to her mother as a rancid overstuffed sausage?
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LMAO!!
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Funny – it sounds a LOT like the few times I’ve tried to buy stuff for myself, with my wife in tow. (Mind you, she was always right, and not just ’cause we’re married. Hideous doesn’t BEGIN to describe my taste in clothing! 😀 )
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Did she refer to you as a “monkey wrapped in a tablecloth” too?
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Naw, that would have been too complimentary…. 😉
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funny. she should lay out your clothes every morning eh. continue…
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…and wash and iron them, too!
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These two are my absolute, positive favorites:
“Never! It hurts my eyes and makes me wish I was blind. Try something else.”
“Mom, that’s so bad and not a little bad…really, really bad. Bad like diarrhea in the middle of a really good movie.”
Dimples is usually very helpful when we shop for me, but perhaps that will change when she is 12.
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She does have a flair for the dramatic and felt like she was doing me an enormous favor by being completely honest…
“Mom, you wouldn’t want me to lie, right?”
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Ah. The kindness of teenagers.
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Well at least you won’t be spending too much on clothes.
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I’m considering just a plain brown bag…over my head.
That doesn’t cost much, right?
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She’s right – diarrhea is bad in the middle of a really good movie. Stick with Anna, Nancy. The girl knows her stuff.
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Thanks, Lenore. She just needs to work on her delivery.
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“Bad like diarrhea in the middle of a really good movie.” I am totally stealing that one.
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Steal away, but don’t you dare say it to your wife!
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Crappity, crap, crap, crap??
Oh you can bet this little phrase has now found a new home. Oh, yeah.
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Catchy, isn’t it?
“What the crap” is Will’s personal favorite. Apparently, the word ‘crap’ is popular among the middle school crowd. Quite lovely. 😉
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Anna needs to learn the secret of successful shopping with Mom.
Tell Mom the first thing she tries on is absolutely perfect. She’s never looked more beautiful.
That gets you out of the dressing room in the “old lady department” fast, so you can move on to the juniors’ section to look for cute stuff for yourself.
And it puts Mom in a much better mood to spend more money on you. 🙂
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…And when I ask her, “Does my butt look big in these jeans?” she should ALWAYS answer, “It’s never looked smaller. Did I tell you that you don’t look a day over 29?” 😉
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Well at least you get some constructive criticism . The response I get is usually a simple “Yeah, no!”
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I’m not sure which I prefer.
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That’s why I stick to black t-shirts. Almost exclusively.
Eventually everyone just runs out of things to say.
🙂
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That’s it, Sig! I’m switching to black t-shirts…it will be good for my self esteem and maybe my artistic side, too. 😉
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Ah … the joys of shopping with a teenager! 😆
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This is what I should have said…”Take a good look, sweetie. This is your future!” 😉
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😆 I always think of stuff like that long afterward. But you know it’s probably just as well you didn’t … she wouldn’t have believed you. You know that teens are always smarter than their parents, right? 🙄
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Ha Ha Ha Love the monkey in a tablecloth one!!!
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I think that one was a bit harsh. 😉
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