“Mom, did you know that you’ll have less stress in your life if you grow-up to
be a professional poker player instead of the President of the United States? Plus, you’ll make more money and get to wear really cool sunglasses. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
Forget about the sunglasses, if I was a professional poker player, I’d have to wear a bag over my head. I have the world’s worst poker face. You should see me try and keep a straight face when I listen to the daily nonsense that comes off the bus each day.
Try checking out your own poker face and read the latest scoop from the bus. Let me know if you can keep a straight face. Fact or fiction? As always, I’ll let you be the judge.
1. “Mom, did you know that baby harp seals happen when polar bears and blue whales mate? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
2. “Mom, did you know that the new kid at school pops his pimples with his butt cheeks? It has something to do with his religion. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
3. “Mom, did you know that it’s a well-known fact that Snoop Dogg, aka Snoop Lion, is related to Shakespeare? They say you can totally tell by the hair. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
4. “Mom, did you know if you eat your best friend’s booger, you’ll sound exactly alike in the morning? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
5. “Mom, did you know if you rub bacon grease into your armpits every morning, you’ll never have to wear glasses? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
6. “Mom, did you know if you eat spinach while studying for a test, you’ll remember everything you studied? Plus, you’ll have farts so strong they’ll bruise whoever they come in contact with. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
7. “Mom, did you know that Play-Doh is made from recycled cat poop mixed with chewed-up bubble gum scraped from the sidewalks of New York City? That’s why it’s non-toxic. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
8. “Mom, did you know if you stick 5 bucks in your letter to Santa, you’re more likely to get what’s on your list? Everybody appreciates a good tip, even Santa. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
9. “Mom, did you know that sometimes rain is actually people’s pee blasting down on us from airplane toilets? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
10. “Mom, did you know there’s a real-life lunch lady secret society cult where they sacrifice kids? The lunch ladies cook up the dead kid’s organs and then serve them in school cafeterias all across the nation. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
Behind on your I Heard It On The Bus reading? No worries, click below to catch-up.
I Heard It On The Bus: Part II
I Heard It On The Bus: Part III
I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV
I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI
I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII
I Heard It On The Bus: Part VIII
Young American Wisdom 
Never had blue ice fall on us when we lived under O’Hare airport’s landing pattern. A neighbor, two doors down, did have a chunk of metal (part of a flap, if I remember) drop in his back yard. The odd thing was, he was chairman of a suburban committee that kept trying to get flights cut back to cut down on noise. Hmm.
And I can assure you from first-hand knowledge, that NOTHING on the sidewalks of NYC is non-toxic. Even the concrete can kill ya! 😉
Of course using bacon grease on your pits will keep you from needing glasses. The first time you go out on a hot day, a pack of wild dogs will eat you! 😀
Such fonts of …. wisdom?
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It’s the strangest thing…I’m suddenly hungry for a BLT. Extra bacon, of course. 😉
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2. “Mom, did you know that the new kid at school pops his pimples with his butt cheeks? It has something to do with his religion. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
Either that wasn’t explained right or we need a demonstration. Would it be he pops the pimples on his butt?
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He must be one hell of a contortionist!
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I want to know where the kids that are spreading these words of wisdom are getting it from???
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Through loads of misunderstood and half-heard conversations. 😉
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I think he might be onto something with the idea of tipping Santa. It certainly would help motivate me.
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I can tell ya, he didn’t follow through with that one. It would have been nice to have an extra $5 in my wallet for when I splurge on Starbucks.
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I have to refute #5….i mean i have to wear glasses…
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Maybe you need to use more bacon grease. That means cooking up some more bacon which might not be such a bad idea.
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touche
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I would love to know more about the technique where one pops pimples with their butts. What do you say to that? Yep sounds about right!!!
Soon enough it will be “I read it on redit.” My brother believes that all facts come from redit, and one cannot argue with redits wealth of knowledge. OK.
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I need to learn more about reddit! Maybe it can teach me a thing or two about how to manage a blog and my life. Time management has always been a challenge for me. 😉
Thanks for visiting. Sorry it took me so long to respond.
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No problem, thank you for writing back. I don’t really know anything about reddit, just that my teenage brother swears by it. I think it is ok if your priority isn’t your blog as long as you are aware of it. It can be difficult to fit it in. The problem with a blog (I have found) is you have to dedicate time to other peoples works too… that can be really time consuming, so don’t worry if you don’t respond in a certain amount of time 🙂
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I don’t know about the studying part, but I can attest to the spinach bruising. Tammy eats it all the time, it’s true… I have the bruises to show for it. 😉
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Poor Tammy! If she read that, I’m sure she’d slug you. Then you have a bruise. 😉
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I kinda think being a professional poker player would be super stressful. But that’s probably because I don’t know how to play. Also, the $5 for santa is genius.
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I couldn’t do it either. I don’t have that kind of focus, hence my lack of attention to this blog. Sorry for the late response.
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#10 Hahaha. I may or may not be a part of this society. It all tastes like chicken when it comes out of the fryin’ machine 🙂
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That reminds me of when my kiddos were little and I’d put something new on their plate. If they balked, I’d tell them it was chicken.
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That’s why it’s non-toxic? I must not understand the meaning of toxic.
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I don’t think it’s you that misunderstood the meaning of toxic. I actually think they meant “organic.”
😉
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Annnnd for those of you living out by the airport, expect a 25% chance of precipitation this morning…
🙂
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Maybe I’ll start carrying an umbrella with me. Sorta like Michael Jackson, but instead of being concerned with sun damage, it will be a shower of pee that worries me.
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I am NOT prepared to test the Booger theory
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I dare you to sneak one in that ultra-annoying relative’s drink the next time they come to visit. Then sit back and watch the magic. 😉
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Cat poop is non toxic???
I did not know that
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I’m not sure whether or not it’s non-toxic. What I do know is that it’s disgusting.
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