The Birds, The Bees And A Couple Of Milkshakes

Will:  Can someone pass the ketchup, please?

Me:  You know what, Will? I think you have that Sex-Ed talk coming up in school soon. Dad and I want to have a little chat with you before it starts, just in case you have some questions that you might feel awkward asking in school.

Will:  Mom, I’m finding this conversation extremely awkward already.

Dad:  Me, too! Let’s talk about something else.

Will:   Sounds good to me.

Me:  Ok, fine, but just so you know, this conversation is in your future. Maybe we’ll go to dinner…me, you and dad. You can pick the place. It will be fun!

Dad:  How about just you and Will go? I’ll stay home. I dread these conversations.

Me:  Oh, no! You’re going. You’re not getting out of this one.

Anna:  I want to go!

Will:  No way! She’s not going.

Anna:  Will, you are going to die of embarrassment! Trust me…it was the worst week of my life. Some kids puked. I think one cried. You might want to wear a diaper.

Will:  Mom, make her stop!

Me:  Now, why would you tell him that? You’re scaring him. And, no, you’re not going. Somebody has to babysit Jay.

Jay:  Hey! That’s not fair. I wanna go. We can go to Chick-fil-A. I love their milkshakes.

Me:  I’ll get you a milkshake another time. You’re staying home.

Jay:  Well, I’m not staying with her. The last time Anna babysat, she threw the remote at my head and sent me to my room.

Anna:  That’s only because you weren’t listening. Duh! 

Dad:  So, that’s why the remote is broken?

Will:  I feel sick.

Dad:  Me, too.

Jay:  Can we have dessert now? I’m in the mood for a milkshake.

Me:  Don’t worry, Will. It’s not that bad. I promise.

Dad:  And, just so you know, whatever you’ve heard on the bus, is probably not true.

Anna:  Actually, some of it is true. Will, you are seriously going to die. Mom draws pictures. It’s mentally scarring. I’m pretty sure that’s why I now struggle in math.

Will:  Ya know what, Mom? Let’s avoid the awkward conversation where everyone’s uncomfortable and I want to die. How about you just text me, instead?

Dad:  Excellent idea! Then if you have any questions, you can text mom back. So, how about milkshakes for dessert?