“Mom, did you know that the first piece of cheese was discovered in 1896 by
a farmer in West Virginia? That guy had some sorta special cheese making cow that he sold to the government for a million bucks. That’s why we have cheese today. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Jay-9
I think we should all give thanks to the farmer from West Virginia with the special cow. Without him, our burgers would be bland and our Friday night pizza would lack pizzazz. Now, let’s find out what else was learned on the bus this week. Please keep in mind that only 75% of everything you hear on the bus is true. Fact or fiction? I’ll let you be the judge.
1. “Mom, did you know that the world’s biggest booger weighed 4 1/2 lbs and was removed by using a toothpick, pliers and a monkey wrench? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
2. “Mom, did you know that the best way to go up the down escalator is to skip a stair and go as fast as you can without falling and cracking your head open? Oh, and make sure to tie your shoes. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
3. “Mom, did you know that it’s actually healthier to eat dog food for breakfast than most cereals? They say it fights cavities and gets rid of bad breath. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
4. “Mom, did you know that if you wear your pajamas to bed inside out, it will snow overnight and you’ll get a snow day off from school? If you also go commando, there will be a blizzard. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
5. “Mom, did you know that it’s a well-known fact that the best way to get rid of a stuffy nose is to sleep with a week’s worth of dirty socks stuffed into your pillow case. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
6. “Mom, did you know that starting this year, if you spill your milk in the cafeteria, the lunch ladies will make you lick it up? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
7. “Mom, did you know there’s a law that forces bus drivers to tuck their shirts into their underwear? They do it so kids won’t make jokes about their butt cracks. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
8. “Mom, did you know that in some fancy restaurants in foreign countries, it’s considered good luck to let the waiter spit in your food before you eat? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
9. “Mom, I need 5 bucks. Did you know that the reason some kids get all A’s is because they buy stuff for their teachers from the school store each week. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
10. “Mom, did you know that Michael Jackson used to fart into ziplock bags and sell them on eBay? People paid thousands of dollars to smell his farts. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
If you’ve fallen behind on previous installments of I Heard It On The Bus, you can catch up by reading…
I Heard It On The Bus: Part II
I Heard It On The Bus: Part III
I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV
Young American Wisdom 
Bwa ha ha! I wouldn’t be surprised if the Michael Jackson fart one was true. 😉
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I also heard that Michael Jackson used to clip his toe nails and sell them on eBay. I bet that’s how he paid his lawyer fees.
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Hahahaha. You know what happens when one post contains ziplocked farts, dogfood breakfast, and infant-sized boogers? Blog magic 🙂
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That and Michael Jackson’s ghost magically appears and breaks into an elaborate performance of Thriller on your kitchen table. He’ll hand you a ziplock bag before he evaporates into thin air. 😉
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75% of these are definitely true and I never even rode the bus. I’d bet there are plenty of people that would spend thousands to smell Michael Jackson’s farts. If there was a way to bag the farts, #10 would be true. #9 is probably true – teachers love their pets. Unfortunately, I was too dumb to be a pet. #8 is probably true, there are lots of crazy cultures. #7? How does tucking shirts into the underwear reduce the fun being poked at the bus driver? Out of site out of mind? That would be naive on the part of the school board and thus very much likely to be true. I am sure enough dirty socks could cut through any nose clog, so #5 might be true. #4 could be true, but kids don’t realize that their parents can off set this by wearing their pajamas inside out. I have done #2 and that is true for sure. #1, #3 and #6 are all possible. If you hate kids, a great way to torture them without their parents around would be to become a lunch lady.
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Farts are completely baggable. I heard there was a kid on the bus that farts into his lunch box and then busts it open in the cafeteria at lunchtime to mess with the lunch ladies.
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I’m with him on #3.
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Maybe if I started feeding my kids dog food for breakfast, I wouldn’t have to nag them about brushing their teeth.
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My daughter once put air from Knottsberry Farm in a bag to take home. I later saw canned air from different famous locales for sale. I totally believe #10. Lunch Ladies totally suck, even worse if they were Nazi-nuns. You couldn’t eat corn with a spoon in my cafeteria. You could not throw anything away no matter how bad it tasted. You were allowed to upchuck in the garbage cans if you had to.
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#10 is totally true. I think he may have even written a song about it. 😉
I’ve heard Nazi-nun horror stories from my parents, too. Most of which involved rulers. 😦
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Mom, I TOTALLY belive it…for reals.
OOOH….and if you say Bloody Mary 10X in the mirror of a darkened bathroom…you will summon something evil. Let’s do it!
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
LAke Forest, CA
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My kids are convinced that Bloody Mary is real…I’m not so sure. However, I am a firm believer in Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board. I witnessed many levitations at slumber parties in the 80’s…for reals! 😉
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All our boys would have made a fortune with the fart in a bag idea…..just ask dad
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I think he’s the one that gave Michael Jackson the idea.
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Someone needs to go on that bus with a video recorder and get this shit on tape! You can’t make this stuff up! Kids will hear and say the funniest things! I’m seeing a viral YouTube video…..
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I’m going to sneak a Nanny Cam on the bus. I’ll keep you posted on my findings.
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Mom, did you know that it’s actually healthier to eat dog food for breakfast than most cereals?
Have they tried that one?
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We don’t have a dog, but I’m considering buying a bag of Puppy Chow to keep in the cabinet next to the cereal. I’ll let you if they start barking.
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Ha! Government Cheese!
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I don’t know about you, but I think the government should stay out of my cheese. 😉
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You’ve got a goldmine, here.
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Thanks for your vote of confidence, Renee. I just need to find someone willing to agree to take on this little “gold mine.” 😉
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OK, tried commando last night, whack that in the 25% not true basket 😦
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I’m not sure it works in Australia, especially in the summer. 😉
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We are so far behind the rest of the world 😦
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But you have koalas, kangaroos and wombats…we’re all jealous.
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Plumbers and electricians should also be required to adhere to #7. Just sayin’.
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HA!! You got that right, Jackie!
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Jackie & Lenore, have you been disturbed by one too many plumber butt crack sightings? Sometimes I wonder if it’s part of the job requirement?
“Now, listen up, Phil. I know you’re feeling a little shy about this, but I can’t hire you unless your willing to flash a little butt crack when your out on the job. All the other guys are doing it. Trust me, after the first couple of times, you’ll start to enjoy the attention.”
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People, write to your senators! There should be laws against flashing your butt crack.
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I’d believe them all, except #3. Every kid knows that dogs have really bad breath, so how could eating dog food get rid of bad breath? Come on kids — a little common sense please! 😉
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I can only assume that the kids chalk up the dog’s bad breath to the fact that many of them eat their own poop…just sayin’. 😉
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The sad thing is that adults do this too. I heard it on the Evening News (Fox, ABC, CBS, NBS… take your pick.
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You’re right, Mel! Adults do it, too.
“It’s true…I heard Leslie tell Cindy that Suzy said her brother’s wife swears that she overheard two mother’s whispering about it at the bus stop 2 weeks ago. Seriously, it’s true!”
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#3 tickles me so much–that must be why my dog has such amazing breath! 😉
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Maybe you should try bagging his breath and selling it on eBay. It worked for Michael Jackson. 😉
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again – you are a funny woman. continue…
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Tony, you do wonders for my ego!
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Funny blog! 🙂 I liked the one about the pajamas.
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Goeber, try wearing your pajamas inside out and report back. I haven’t let my kids try it for fear that it will actually work. 😉
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hilarious as always! 🙂
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Thank you for the kind words, Silent Soul!
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Hilarious, indeed!
Almost as much fun as watching me try to successfully navigate an escalator. I can never get the ‘timing’ right… totally messes with my mind. It always takes me two or three attempts to jump on to/off of the silly things.
🙂
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I understand completely, Sig! I always have a mini anxiety attack before stepping onto a down escalator. I always worry I’ll misstep and tumble down the escalator, taking out a few mother’s, their children and a couple of 70-year-olds. 😦
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#3 is accurate and the Michel Jackson one is marketing bonanza waiting to happen….
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Cooper, I’ve also heard that he used to ziplock bag his boogers, but for some reason they weren’t quite as marketable.
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Dog food fights cavities. Great!!!
My boss always orders pizza without cheese. He doesn’t like cheese. It just looks so weird without cheese on top. He reckons cheese isn’t good for you. But he smokes. Go figure???
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P.S. I was coming back to work one lunchtime with a bag of McDonald’s in my hand & he was standing out front having a smoke. He said “McDonald’s??? That’ll kill ya eating that stuff”
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Pizza without cheese is just wrong! Maybe your boss is lactose intolerant and he smokes to compensate for the lack of cheese in his life.
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If everything you heard on the bus was true, you wouldn’t have to go to school. Just drive around in the bus!
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Imagine if kids had a choice…
“Hey, Mom! I’m not going to school today. I’m just gonna ride around on the bus all day and when I get home I’m gonna kick your butt at a game of Trivial Pursuit.”
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I think cheese was first discovered on a school bus. It was milk spilled in the seat crack that eventually mutated.
I’m going to make some fake MJ fart bags to sell!
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Make sure you wear a single, sequined, white glove when you make those bags. 😉
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Cool post concept!
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Thanks, Hook! The stuff these kids learn on the bus is amazing…and always true.
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