Follow a mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity. She will use this as blackmail, you can use it for birth control.-
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© Young American Wisdom 2011
Young American Wisdom by www.youngamericanwisdom.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.-
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Author Archives: youngamericanwisdom.com
His Wingman Drinks Chocolate Milk
“You know what, Will? You better be nice to me, because someday you’re gonna be sitting in a bar when a bunch of pretty ladies walk in, and you’re gonna need me by your side, cuz we both know…that I’m the … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged brothers, comedy, funny, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
6 Comments
Jackpot Jay
Me: I’m not selling your desk so you can buy a poker table and put it in your room. Jay: Aw, c’mon, Mom! It would be so epic. And, I’d get a mini fridge and fill it with soda. Me: … Continue reading
Posted in comedy, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny, humor, kids, kids quotes, parenting, poker, Young American Wisdom
8 Comments
Deep Thoughts For Awesome People
“Mom, it’s just like that ancient Chinese riddle, ‘What’s more hyper… a fat dog laying on the couch or a monkey eating a banana?’” Monday morning deep thoughts and pearls of wisdom.
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, Parenting
Tagged comedy, deep thoughts, funny kid quotes, humor, parenting, Young American Wisdom
3 Comments
I See People
Strange observations from spending too much time in the kitchen… Peanut Butter. The playful cousin to the uppity Nutella. The French Toast Stick. The hip next-door neighbor to the young & impressionable French Toast. The … Continue reading
Posted in Art, Food, Humor, Life, Parenting, Photography, Strange Observations
Tagged Art, Cheez-It, food, Goldfish Cracker, humor, life, Nutella, parenting, Photography, Strange Observations, Young American Wisdom
6 Comments
The Antisocial Extrovert
“Mom, here’s the problem…you guys spend way too much time worrying about my math grades when the real problem here is that math makes me feel antisocial. And really, you don’t want my conversations in life to be about … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, math, parenting, Young American Wisdom
10 Comments
No Junk In The Trunk?
Every time I need a little pick-me-up, I check out Jay’s desk for his latest creation. Happy Friday, everyone! Wishing you all a disappointment-free weekend.
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
8 Comments
It’s Crapping Up My Life
Jay: Mom, I seriously wish math would stop crapping up my life. Me: Jay, math is important. It helps your brain develop. Jay: It hurts my brain, that’s what it does. Can’t I just skip it? Me: You’re in 5th … Continue reading
Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
15 Comments
Tastes Like Chicken
Will: Mom, I don’t get why you’re so mad. I never thought the kid would actually eat the worm. And besides, he technically never ate it. He just popped it in his mouth and let it squirm around. Me: Oh my … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged Bear Grylls, comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, life, Man VS Wild, parenting
7 Comments
So, Tell Me About Yourself…
“Mom, I’ve gotta write a little autobiography. You know, it’s that thing where you write down a bunch of junk about yourself. Anyway, check mine out. I think it’s pretty good.”
Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
14 Comments
I Heard It On The Bus: XIII
“Mom, whenever you think someone seems too perfect, just snoop through their bathroom drawers until you find their anti-diarrhea medicine and then you’ll feel much better about yourself. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Actually, a dose of anti-diarrhea medicine sounds … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, gossip, humor, i heard it on the bus, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
16 Comments
The Bad Babysitter
(ring, ring) Me: Hello? Anna: Mom, when do you think you guys will be home? Me: We’re having dessert now. Why? What’s wrong? Anna: Well, nothing serious, it’s just that Jay thinks he might be having a heart attack. Me: WHAT? Anna: Yup, he says … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, Jaws, kids, parenting, Steven Spielberg, Young American Wisdom
34 Comments
Jay X
I agreed to help out Will & Jay by giving them another plug for their latest YouTube creation. They debuted this little treasure of nonsense for the family after Mother’s Day dinner. So, once again, I present The Boxhead Scallywags…
Posted in Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, humor, kids, parenting, TheBoxHeadScallywags, Young American Wisdom, YouTube
13 Comments
Say What?
“Mom, you look like some sort of strange spider monkey in oversized sunglasses and your armpits smell like the airport bar in the Philadelphia Airport, you know the one with the really good cheese fries? But you know what? I … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, Mother's Day, parenting, Young American Wisdom
14 Comments
Cat Fight
Anna: God, Mom! I’m so irritated today. Ugh! Me: Me, too. Must be the rain. Wanna fight? Anna: Ok. What should we fight about? Me: I don’t care. Go ahead, I’ll let you pick. Anna: Umm…how about how annoying it is … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
30 Comments
Underwear Worms
Me: Jay, did you shower? Jay: Yup. Me: Then how come only the back of your head is wet? Jay: I guess the front of my head dries fast. Me: Did you at least use soap? Jay: Yup. Me: Is … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
20 Comments
For the Love of Oscar Mayer
“Mom, you know how Dad is really good at cooking hot dogs? Well, I think he should open a restaurant and call it Dad’s House of Wieners.” I think there’s some truth to that old saying, “You are what you eat.” Happy Friday, … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged funny kid quotes, hot dogs, humor, kids quotes, parenting
4 Comments
You Stuck What Where?
Will: It hurts! Me: Well, of course it does. Why would you do something so stupid? Will: Jay told me to. Am I going to be ok? Me: I’m not sure at what point taking medical advice from your 10-year-old brother … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged brothers, comedy, family, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
20 Comments
Jay: Mom, you’re never gonna believe this, but today at recess, a bunch of girls on the playground called me over. They were standing in a group with their arms crossed and their hands on their hips. I was sorta scared … Continue reading
Jerry Garcia Has Seen Me Naked
Will: Mom, what’s up with the strange guy in the shower? I hate how he’s always staring at me. Me: Try not to make eye contact. Maybe you’ll forget he’s there. Will: I’ve tried. I’m thinking about wearing my bathing … Continue reading
Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, Grateful Dead, humor, Jerry Garcia, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
18 Comments
He No Speak Chinese
Me: Alright! Which one of you thought it would be a good idea to smear your dirty fingers all over the inside of my car windows? You know, the same car windows I just cleaned? Will: Oh, that? That was me, but … Continue reading
Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
15 Comments
The Mama Lisa
Jay: Mom, just so you know, I’m drawing your portrait right this very minute. Me: Ok, great. Jay: Try to act natural, just keep packing lunch. Oh, and while you’re at it, stick in a few extra packs of fruit snacks, would … Continue reading
Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, humor, kids, Leonaro DiCaprio. Leonardo da Vinci, Mama Lisa, parenting, Young American Wisdom
25 Comments
Young American Wisdom Does The Harlem Shake
We couldn’t miss out on an opportunity to act completely ridiculous…grandparents included.
Posted in Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged Baauer, comedy, Entertainment, Harlem Shake, humor, kids, parenting, SpongeBob Harlem Shake, The Boxhead Scallywags, Young American Wisdom
24 Comments
Vitamin Boy
Jay: Hey, Mom! Remember when I was little and crawled up on the counter and ate half a bottle of vitamins? I almost had to get my stomach pumped, right? Me: Yes, you did! I had to call Poison Control. I still can’t … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, The Boxhead Scallywags, Vitamin Shoppe, vitamins, Young American Wisdom, YouTube
18 Comments
Asparagus, Rap and the Thousand Paper Cranes
Me: Jay, please eat your asparagus. Jay: But it’s disgusting. Me: Just eat it. It’s good for you. Jay: I think it’s really unfair that everything that’s good for you has to taste so bad. Me: It’s just the way it is. Now, eat it. … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Rap, rappers, Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes, World's Smallest Man, Young American Wisdom
17 Comments
Don’t Touch My Toothbrush!
Me: Jay, did you brush your teeth? Jay: Yup. If you don’t believe me, you can even ask Will. Will: He did. I saw him…using MY toothbrush! Me: Jay! Jay: What? I couldn’t find mine. Will: Mom, I can’t take … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged brothers, comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, sharing toothbrushes, Young American Wisdom
22 Comments
The Boxhead Scallywags
I will most likely regret this, but in a moment of weakness, I promised that I’d give them a plug. Plus, they promised to clean their rooms. So, here they are making their debut on YouTube… The Box Head Scallywags. Keep your … Continue reading
Posted in comedy, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, humor, kids, Siblings, TheBoxHeadScallywags, Young American Wisdom, YouTube
28 Comments
Happily Ever After
“Mom, when I grow up, I’m gonna marry a girl that likes to drink a lot of beer.” At least he has goals. Happy Friday, everyone. Cheers!
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids
Tagged beer, comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, John Belushi, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
18 Comments
Let’s Make A Deal
“Mom, I don’t get why you’re so mad. It’s only considered bribery when you do it to the government. Then it’s illegal and you can get thrown in jail, I get that part. But, there’s nothing wrong with offering your … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged bribery, comedy, corruption, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Siblings, Young American Wisdom
21 Comments
Is That A Booger?
Jay: Mom, you know how Katy Perry wrote that Firework song to inspirate people? Me: You mean to ‘inspire’ people? A booger-free Katy Perry is an inpiration. Jay: Yeah. That’s what I just said. Me: Oh, ok. Yes. I know the … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged boogers, comedy, Firework, humor, Katy Perry, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
18 Comments
Cheesy Art Show
Art shows are the new rage in my home. The artist shows up to his event wearing his finest. He’s dressed to impress in a wrinkled dress shirt, basketball shorts, mismatched socks and loafers. Stray cookie crumbs decorate the corners … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged Art, comedy, humor, kids, nude paintings, parenting, Young American Wisdom
21 Comments
It Smells Like A Bad Bear
“Mom, I need to warn you. When you come to my school, DO NOT snuggle up to the giant teddy bear in Mrs. B’s class. I don’t care how cute you think he is, whatever you do, don’t go near him…he’s filled … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, farts, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Ted, Ted the movie, teddy bear, Young American Wisdom
19 Comments
The Birds, The Bees And A Couple Of Milkshakes
Will: Can someone pass the ketchup, please? Me: You know what, Will? I think you have that Sex-Ed talk coming up in school soon. Dad and I want to have a little chat with you before it starts, just in case … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, life, parenting, sex education, The Birds & The Bees, Young American Wisdom
36 Comments
I Heard It On The Bus: XII
“Mom, did you know that you’ll have less stress in your life if you grow-up to be a professional poker player instead of the President of the United States? Plus, you’ll make more money and get to wear really cool sunglasses. … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged bacon, comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, i heard it on the bus, It's true...I heard it on the bus, kids, life, parenting, Snoop Dogg, Young American Wisdom
30 Comments
Mr. McFarty Pants
“Mom, when I grow-up, I’m gonna invent a Fart Detector to bust all the people who lie about farting. Then, I’m gonna write a book called The Fart Finder. It’s about this guy named Mr. McFarty Pants who travels the world … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, Fart, Farty McFarty Pants, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, parenting, Young American Wisdom
30 Comments
Totally Craptastic!
“Mom, just so you know…the toilet paper in this house isn’t working. Oh, and by the way, I decided that on Crazy Mismatch Day, I’m gonna wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes.” Jay-10 Happy Friday, everyone!
Posted in crazy kid quotes, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny, humor, kids, kids quotes, life, Mismatch Day, parenting, Young American Wisdom
24 Comments
A Writing Hangover
I find writing to be a lot like drinking. After a cocktail or two, I feel like the most fascinating person in the world. Sorta like the Dos Equis guy, only less mannish and minus the accent. It’s not until the next morning, when I’m left with a … Continue reading
Posted in Blogging, Humor, Life, Parenting
Tagged Blogging, Dos Equis Man, drinking, hangover, Homer Simpson, humor, Insecurity, life, parenting, WordPress, writing, Young American Wisdom
41 Comments
I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI
I recently received the loveliest rejection letter from the editor of MAD Magazine for my submission of I Heard It On The Bus. I know, you don’t usually associate the word lovely with MAD Magazine or rejection, but honestly, their thanks-but-no-thanks letter … Continue reading