Follow a mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity. She will use this as blackmail, you can use it for birth control.Don’t Steal My Stuff…my kids will cry!
© Young American Wisdom 2011
Young American Wisdom by www.youngamericanwisdom.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Tag Archives: life
I See People
Strange observations from spending too much time in the kitchen… Peanut Butter. The playful cousin to the uppity Nutella. The French Toast Stick. The hip next-door neighbor to the young & impressionable French Toast. The … Continue reading
Posted in Art, Food, Humor, Life, Parenting, Photography, Strange Observations
Tagged Art, Cheez-It, food, Goldfish Cracker, humor, life, Nutella, parenting, Photography, Strange Observations, Young American Wisdom
6 Comments
Tastes Like Chicken
Will: Mom, I don’t get why you’re so mad. I never thought the kid would actually eat the worm. And besides, he technically never ate it. He just popped it in his mouth and let it squirm around. Me: Oh my … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged Bear Grylls, comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, life, Man VS Wild, parenting
7 Comments
The Birds, The Bees And A Couple Of Milkshakes
Will: Can someone pass the ketchup, please? Me: You know what, Will? I think you have that Sex-Ed talk coming up in school soon. Dad and I want to have a little chat with you before it starts, just in case … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, kids, life, parenting, sex education, The Birds & The Bees, Young American Wisdom
36 Comments
I Heard It On The Bus: XII
“Mom, did you know that you’ll have less stress in your life if you grow-up to be a professional poker player instead of the President of the United States? Plus, you’ll make more money and get to wear really cool sunglasses. … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged bacon, comedy, funny kid quotes, humor, i heard it on the bus, It's true...I heard it on the bus, kids, life, parenting, Snoop Dogg, Young American Wisdom
30 Comments
Totally Craptastic!
“Mom, just so you know…the toilet paper in this house isn’t working. Oh, and by the way, I decided that on Crazy Mismatch Day, I’m gonna wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes.” Jay-10 Happy Friday, everyone!
Posted in crazy kid quotes, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged comedy, funny, humor, kids, kids quotes, life, Mismatch Day, parenting, Young American Wisdom
24 Comments
A Writing Hangover
I find writing to be a lot like drinking. After a cocktail or two, I feel like the most fascinating person in the world. Sorta like the Dos Equis guy, only less mannish and minus the accent. It’s not until the next morning, when I’m left with a … Continue reading
Posted in Blogging, Humor, Life, Parenting
Tagged Blogging, Dos Equis Man, drinking, hangover, Homer Simpson, humor, Insecurity, life, parenting, WordPress, writing, Young American Wisdom
41 Comments
Does Medicare Pay For Playboy?
RING, RING… “Hello?” “Nancy, it’s your 78-year-old mother-in-law. Listen, I need you to tell me where I can buy a Playboy magazine.” “Excuse me? Did you just ask me where to buy pornography?” “Yes, dear. I haven’t a clue where … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Life, Parenting
Tagged comedy, family, Fifty Shades of Grey, Hugh Hefner, humor, life, mother-in-law, parenting, Playboy, Young American Wisdom
25 Comments
The Insane Mom
“Jay, what’s this?” “Oh, that? It’s just a little something I’ve been working on. Hey, but don’t worry…it’s not about you. I swear!” Should I be concerned?
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged funny kid quotes, humor, insane mom, kids, life, parenting, Young American Wisdom
28 Comments
Are You Gonna Eat That?
“Mom, are you pregnant? I’ve noticed how much you’ve been eating lately.” This is what I said… “No…I am not, young lady! And listen to me, it’s never polite to ask someone if they’re pregnant…even your own mother!” But this … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged funny kid quotes, humor, kids, life, not pregnant just hungry, parenting
19 Comments
Answer Promptly With A Smile
“Will, you need to call Billy. The poor kid’s called here 3 times. He needs the homework assignment for English. Ok?” “Ok.” “Here’s the phone. Now remember, you can’t continue to call people and say, ‘Hey, it’s me. Who’s this?’ It’s rude … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged funny kid quotes, humor, kids, kids quotes, life, parenting, phone manners, teaching manners, Young American Wisdom
19 Comments
Go Ahead, Quit Your Day Job
“Dad, does is totally suck to have to go to work everyday?” “No, I wouldn’t say that, but I’d much rather hang out with you guys all day. And, by the way, watch your mouth, mister.” “So, they don’t give … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged crappy job, humor, kids, life, parenting, recess, Young American Wisdom, YouTube
16 Comments
He Ain’t No Fred Astaire
“Mom, if you make me sign-up for Ballroom dancing at school, I’ll be forced to run away, probably to Mexico and then you’ll be down to just 2 kids. I thought you should know.” Will-11 As tempting as this may … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged Fred Astaire, humor, kids, life, parenting, Young American Wisdom
17 Comments
Slightly Clueless
“Mom, I think it would be really hard to start-up a new country. I mean, think of how stressful it would be to come up with a national anthem. And, what about all the pressure involved in designing a new flag? I … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting, Plight
Tagged Clueless, humor, kids, kids quotes, life, parenting, school, Young American Wisdom
17 Comments
I’m Seriously Serious
“Mom, I always put an exclamation point after my name so that people will know to take me seriously.” I think there are more than a few politicians out there that should consider this same approach.
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged family, humor, kids, kids quotes, life, parenting, politics, Young American Wisdom
17 Comments
I Heard It On The Bus: Part X
“Mom, did you know that the best kind of teachers are the ones that laugh at your jokes and don’t send you to the principal’s office? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” In celebration of the start of school … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged back to school, humor, i heard it on the bus, kids, kids quotes, life, Michael Phelps, parenting, Young American Wisdom
30 Comments
Jayisms
“Mom, I’m thinking about starting my own blog. I’ve got a lot of important stuff to say.” “Oh, really?” “Yeah, but I’m having a hard time picking a title. If you let me, this is what I’m thinking… 1. My Stupid Sister … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged humor, Jayisms, kids, life, nonsense, parenting, Siblings, Young American Wisdom
22 Comments
Best Day Ever
“Mom, today was the best day of my life. Three great things happened at school today. First, I found a bunch of money randomly laying on the ground, so I picked it up and spent it at the school store. Second, I’ve … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged funny kid quotes, humor, kids, life, parenting, Young American Wisdom
19 Comments
Long Term Plans In Shorts
“Mom, when I grow up, I’m gonna have a pool and to make it really fun, I’ll put a diving board on my roof. I’m also gonna have a butler who plays video games with me and packs me lobster for lunch … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged growing-up, humor, kids, life, parenting, Young American Wisdom
28 Comments
It’s Brain Surgery, Not Rocket Science
“Mom, when I grow up I might wanna be a brain surgeon. I hear that’s a pretty good job. But here’s the thing, I’ll have to find some other guy to do the surgery because that would just be gross.” Jay-9 … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged brain surgery, humor, kids, life, parenting, Young American Wisdom
28 Comments
A Few Observations About Italy
I’ve just returned home from a fantastic week in Northern Italy, kid free, thanks to the help of my parents. Did I mention they are no longer speaking to me? Anyway, I wanted to share a bit about my trip … Continue reading
This Prestigious Award Comes With Cheese
“Mom, they say it’s the world’s hardest thing to win and you’ve gotta do lots of good stuff, but when I grow up, I might wanna try to win the Nobel Pizza Prize.” Jay-9 I wonder if that’s pick-up or … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged humor, kids, life, Nobel Peace Prize, parenting, Young American Wisdom
23 Comments
Get With The Program, Shorty!
“Ok. Now pay attention, Jay. My people are set up over here and your people are set up over there. If your people break the rules then my people can sue your people.” “Wait a second, Anna. I have no idea … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged humor, kids, lawsuit, life, parenting, Young American Wisdom
40 Comments
Deep Thoughts Over Cheerios
Prepare yourself, we are about to get deep… “Mom, I’ve got a question. What if I was sitting all by myself in my room, but everybody else in the whole world happened to be hanging out in Africa, I mean … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged deep thoughts, humor, kids, life, parenting
61 Comments
She’s A Very Freaky Girl…she’s a super freak!
“Mom, you know that picture in the upstairs hallway? Well, it’s gotta go! That girl has been freaking me out for years. She’s the reason I can’t sleep at night. Weird things have been happening around here and I’m pretty sure … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged childhood shenanigans, humor, kids, life, parenting, Sarcasm, scary paintings, Young American Wisdom
54 Comments
Actions Speak Louder Than Words…but hurt!
“Mom, Will grabbed my hand and made me punch myself in the face 3 times for absolutely no reason. Should I go tell him he’s in big trouble?” “What the fudge, Jay! That’s a bunch of crap! I was doing a … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged brothers, humor, kids, life, parenting, Sarcasm, Siblings, tackle, Young American Wisdom
32 Comments
Forrest Had Bubba, Jay Has Jimmy
“Mom, I think we should get a maid. One that comes here every day. I think it would be a lot more relaxing around here if nobody ever had any chores to do.” “That sounds great, Jay, but you might have … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged Bubba Gump, Bugattis, Ferraris, Forrest Gump, humor, kids, Lamborghinis, life, parenting, selling sports cars, Young American Wisdom
44 Comments
The Mad Cow Dines With The Devil
“Will, you are so freakishly disgusting. You chew like a sick cow.” “What the heck, Anna! I can’t help it. It’s just the way I chew.” “No, it’s not. I know you’re doing it on purpose just to make me … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged family, humor, kids, life, parenting, Sarcasm, Sibling Rivalry, Siblings
33 Comments
This Is Your Face…and I hate it!
“Mom, Anna purposely tried to kill me!” “No, I didn’t! Jay’s lying. I just tried to scare him, not kill him.” “Yes, she did! Don’t believe her. She ripped the skateboard out of my hands and chucked it at my … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged holiday shopping, humor, kids, life, parenting, Sarcasm, scare tactics, Siblings
38 Comments
If I Were Independently Wealthy
I’m a daydreamer by trade, but sadly, I don’t get paid. However, if I ever find a sucker willing to pay me boatloads of cash for my nonsense, I plan on spending it wisely. I won’t squander it on jewels, … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged humor, Independently Wealthy, kids, life, parenting, Sarcasm, Satire, The Weather Channel
64 Comments
Driving Blind
“Mom, how do blind people drive?” Jay-8 Hmm…I never thought about this. I imagine this could potentially be an enormous problem. Picture the scene…you and your significant other are driving down the highway enjoying the scenery when you notice a … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged driving blind, humor, kids, life, parenting, Sarcasm
46 Comments
Would You Do It For 5 Bucks?
“Will, going forward, you are absolutely NOT allowed to do your brother’s homework…even if he begs you and promises to give you all of his money. Do you understand me?” Me to Will-10 The handwriting was my first tip-off, the guilty … Continue reading
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall…who really cares at all?
“But Mom, I don’t care about looking good. I’m gonna save that for when I grow-up and don’t have any fun stuff left to do.” Jay-8 Hmmm…an interesting perspective.
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged growing-up, humor, kids, life, parenting, perspective, Sarcasm, vanity
18 Comments
Smell Me Like A Pumpkin Pie On Thanksgiving Morning
“Mom, come here and smell me. I took a 15 second shower and I swear I got everything…even the stinkiest parts. It might just be a world record. C’mon, come closer and take a real good smell. Smell me like you’ve never smelled me … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged funny, humor, kids, life, parenting, Sarcasm, smell me, stinky kids
14 Comments
That Tooth Fairy Is A Cheapskate
“Mom, I realized something was up with the whole Tooth Fairy story when I found out kids at school were getting $10 bucks a tooth and all I got was a stinking buck…and mine didn’t even have cavities!” Anna-10 I … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged American Dental Association, funny, humor, life, parenting, Sarcasm, Tooth Fairy
28 Comments
Big Brother Is Watching You!
“Mom, are you positively positive there aren’t any security cameras in public bathrooms? Because if there are…I might ask you to put me back in diapers.” Jay-8
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged funny, humor, kids, life, parenting, public bathrooms, Sarcasm, security cameras
24 Comments
Kid, You’re Killing Me!
“Mom, no offense or anything, but I can’t hold your hand anymore. I mean, I still sorta wanna and I still really like you a whole bunch, but if anyone saw me holding your hand it would ruin my life. … Continue reading
Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting
Tagged funny, growing-up, holding hands, humor, kids, life, motherhood, parenting, Sarcasm
38 Comments
Young American Wisdom 